Talk to each other!

Tony and I are in no way marriage experts...c'mon, we've only been married for 8 months! But, we do believe that there are some things we do well. One of those things is communication. Whether from our backgrounds in counseling or just the way we are each wired, we communicate well with each other. Not perfectly, but well. One of our favorite times to "check in" with each other is on Saturday mornings while we are still laying in bed, that one hour window after the dog has been fed but before we have to take her out for her morning walk. Last week during this time, we pinpointed 7 things that we enjoy doing on a daily basis to keep the lines of communication open.

1. Give each other undivided attention. Find time each day to give each other undivided attention, even if just for a few minutes. This time should be free of TV, doing chores, eating, nosy dog trying to sit in between you...you get the idea! For us this often takes place on the couch after all the dinner dishes have been cleared away and loaded into the dishwasher. For other couples this might happen more easily in the morning before work. Use this time to share about your day with your spouse, even the small, silly details like the person you saw picking their nose in the car next to you today, or the friend you reconnected with on Facebook.

2. No TV in the bedroom. Our pastor first suggested this to us in our premarital counseling, saying "a TV in the bedroom is the quickest way to kill intimacy." And we didn't listen. We had a TV in our bedroom for the first 6 months of our marriage and we thought it was great. We could lay in bed a cuddle while watching a movie! But what we also found was that we spent more mindless time together right before bed than we did investing in our relationship. We got rid of the TV in our bedroom about 2 months ago and haven't looked back since! We now spend our last moments before sleep engaged in intimate conversation, rather than mindlessly staring at the TV.

3. Eat dinner at the table. We eat dinner at the table together 99% of the time. I can't speak for Tony, but this is really how I start winding down for the night. I come home most evenings and head straight to the kitchen to make dinner. I enjoy cooking, but eating dinner across from my hubby is when I truly begin to relax. We talk about our days, share interesting stories from work, and give updates about family and friends. This time doesn't often fit the bill for undivided attention though, because we're also worried about stuffing our faces! Hence our undivided attention time, mentioned above, often occurs after dinner :)

4. Be interested. This is sometimes a tough one, and Tony is much better at it than I am. Really try to be interested in the things your spouse tells you. I'm not gunna lie, some of the financial stuff he tells me about is a little over my head. I try ask questions though because it's important to Tony, and if its important to Tony then I want to understand it. One thing Tony is great at is admitting when his mind has wandered while I'm talking. He will ask me to back up and repeat myself. He was worried at one point that this upset me, but actually it made me very happy! He valued what I was saying enough to ask me to repeat it, rather than pretend he had heard me.

5. Take advantage of quiet times. Most people believe that good communication is measured by the amount of time you spend talking. It is also important to learn how to enjoy the silent moments together though. Some of the silent moments we enjoy are car rides, walks with the dog, reading books side-by-side, and others. Our silent moments don't often last for too long though, because it is in the silence that we remember things we wanted to tell each other!

6. Communicate throughout the day. Whether through phone calls, texts, pictures sent, or notes left in one another's lunch boxes...don't wait until you get home after work to speak to each other. I know that not everyone has the flexibility that we do to talk anytime throughout the day, but most people have a lunch break or a spare 15 seconds to send a quick text or picture.

7. Pray together.  Tony and I pray together every day, before dinner and before bed. I often learn things about Tony through his prayers, such as the friends who are on his mind to pray for and the stressors and temptations he asks God for help with. One thing we also try to do is keep a written prayer list for each other. I share things that I would like Tony to pray specifically for me, and he does the same. This way we can better pray for each other when we are apart.

We are in no way perfect at all of the things I just listed! This is something we work hard at every day, but the work is well worth is. I hope that in 30 years we will have tripled this list, and then some. What are some tips that you can share with us about keeping the lines of communication open?