A letter to our friends and family

Dear Friends and Family,

As you know, we've been in the process of becoming licensed foster parents for the past few months. Thank you for all of your support and love through this process! We are so blessed to have family and friends who have helped see us through to this point. Very soon the real work begins, and we’re going to need that love and support more than ever.

We know that our decision to foster will affect you as well, and we are hoping that this email will help to answer some of your questions and set us all up for success in helping these little people through this rocky patch in their lives.

We’ll tell you now that we’re sorry this is so long, and we’re sorry if it sounds a little bossy. We were trying to keep it as brief as possible, so it may sound a little “short” in some places. But know that we love you, and we don’t mean for it to sound “short.” If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask – we love talking about this stuff! Otherwise, we’ll let you know as soon as we get our first placement!

Placements to Expect
We anticipate being fully licensed and waiting for a placement by Tuesday, December 16. (OMG!) We are open to one to two foster kids, ages 5 through 18 years old. We’re open to any gender or race. We could get a call for a placement the day that we’re licensed or it could be several weeks or even months before we get a call (although we have been told it will probably be within the first few days!). The kids could be staying with us anywhere from a few days to several years.

Confidentiality
When we get a placement we will of course share with you the children’s names, ages, birthdates, personalities, and other such details. However the family history, reasons for placement, medical status, and other aspects of the foster children’s lives are confidential and we will not be able to share these details with you.

Pictures
It's Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) policy that pictures of foster children may not be posted online. We won’t be able to post or email pictures of the kids. You're welcome to take pictures of the kids, but we’ll also need your cooperation in not posting them.

Inclusion in Family & Gift Giving Policy
Other than confidentiality issues, we will treat these children as members of our family. We must insist that everyone respect this policy. Even though we don't have biological children yet, the foster children will be treated equally to how we would treat our biological children, especially when it comes to holidays, birthdays, or other gift-giving occasions. We will never expect gifts for any of our children. But if you choose to give gifts, you’ll need to plan to give equally to all of the kids who are in our care at that time. It is possible that we will have children placed with us before Christmas, so if you would like to gift them, ask us and we would be happy to give some suggestions.

Behavior and Discipline
Our kids may come to us with a variety of experiences and issues, therefore you may observe unusual or seemingly alarming behaviors from them. Accordingly, you may also see us utilizing some unusual discipline techniques (varying from very easy-going to very strict). We ask you to remember that we’re working with a team of professionals on a behavioral and discipline plan tailored to each individual child. If you have concerns that you feel the need to discuss with us, please bring them up in private, away from the child. 

Holidays and Special Events
We LOVE seeing all of our friends and family for holidays and special occasions and certainly hope to be able to incorporate our foster children into these cherished events. However, some foster children may have difficulty with the stress of large groups, new people, new food, uncertain environments, and higher expectations for behavior. We ask for your patience and understanding when we may have to miss an event, arrive late, leave early, or perhaps one parent has to stay home with a foster child.

What Do They Call Us?
Our foster children will have the option of calling us by our first names or “mom and dad.” We’ll invite them to address you with the same terms that our (hypothetical) biological children would use (grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, etc.).

What Do We Call Them?
No child wants to be known as “the foster kid.” We will refer to any children in our care as our kids, our son, our daughter (if they are comfortable with this). We ask you to please be sensitive to this, and do not refer to them or introduce them as a “foster child,” particularly in that child’s presence. Feel free to refer to them as you would with our (hypothetical) biological children (my grandchild, niece, nephew, etc.). Or, if that isn’t comfortable for you, you can refer to them as our child (my brother’s kids, my friend’s daughter, etc.).

About Building Attachments
The question is sometimes raised with foster care if it isn’t detrimental to encourage children to become attached to their foster family. In fact, there was a time years ago when foster children were intentionally moved to new foster homes on a regular basis to avoid this attachment. We now know that learning to build attachments is one of the most important elements to living a happy and satisfied life, and learning this skill can only be done in childhood. As children bond with us they gradually learn the joy that comes from bonding and how to trust safe adults, and it builds their sense of self-worth. If the child can learn to attach successfully, they can then repeat that attachment process with others throughout their life. This is a vital process, even if they are not with us forever.

The challenge is for us to bond, fearing the pain of losing the relationship when they leave. We expect that you may have this fear as well, but we ask for you to keep the children’s best interests in mind, and open your heart to them. You may be the first person to show them what a healthy grandparent, aunt, or family friend looks like.

We love you all, and we're so thankful to have your support throughout this process! Again, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Love,
Tony & Emily

The Licensure Process - We're ALMOST There!

 

When we first started the process of becoming licensed foster parents, we had an advantage to knowing what to expect - I used to work for the foster care agency we are getting licensed through, and we have friends who went through the process a few months ahead of us. I think that there are many who don't know much about the process though, so let me educate you a bit on how it went for us! (Disclaimer: this post is long...sorry about that :).

1. You choose a foster care agency. In Franklin County, foster care has become privatized. This means that foster parents aren't trained and maintained by the county Department of Child & Family Services, but rather by private foster care agencies that the county contracts with. We chose to become licensed through The Bair Foundation, a Christian foster care agency.
2. We attended 30 hours of training through The Bair Foundation, which educated us on what to expect as foster parents - from statistics about children and families involved in foster care, to how to address certain behaviors, to how to help children attach to us when they come into our home. We completed this training in September, a few hours every night for 2 weeks. After these trainings we felt even more excited and prepared for kids!
3. We got our home ready! We had already been in the process of remodeling our home for months, so we finished up this process - new carpet and floors, new paint everywhere, reorganizing, and updating. We also prepared a room for the kids. Friends from church donated 2 twin beds for our foster care room (which we are super grateful for, thanks Roilands and Heffners!!) We also made it cozy with other accessories.
4. The home study process begins! "Home Study" is a really misleading term - it should have been called "Life Study!" We loved our assessor, but boy did she really get into the nitty gritty of our lives during this time! The home study consisted of 3 visits by an assessor to our home, each visit lasting between 2-3 hours. In addition to ensuring that our home itself is safe for kids, they also performed an extensive interview during this time. They asked Tony and I questions about every area of our lives - from how me met, to our relationships with family and friends, to how we make decisions, to whether or not we walk around the house naked! I totally appreciate how thorough they are though...this is how we ensure kids in foster care are placed with safe families. We also had to complete a mountain of paperwork - a financial statement & budget, written biographies for each of us, a characteristics checklist for children we would accept placement for, and proof of residency for the last 5 years, and more! We had to have a fire inspection during this time as well. This process took most of October, into early November.
5. At this point, the process changed for us in a way we didn't anticipate. We completed our CPR class on November 8th and expected to become licensed the following week. Our foster care agency approached us with a  question though - "Will you become a Treatment Foster Home rather than a Traditional Foster Home?" The difference between the two is that children with higher needs, either behavioral, medical, developmental, or emotional, are placed in Treatment Foster Homes. Because The Bair Foundation's motto is "we say yes when others say no," they strive to find homes for these "more difficult" children. We prayed and discussed this decision, as not only would this require us to take another 20 hours of training but it could also lead to even more stress and headaches as we parent our kids. We ultimately decided that Jesus goes out of his way to reach the forgotten, unlovable, and "difficult" - so we should to! After all, this is why we decided to become foster parents in the first place! So, we completed the extra 20 hours of training.
6. That leads us to today, November 25, 2014. I received word yesterday from our foster agency that they are reviewing our home study information today, and submitting it to the state to be approved! This should only take a couple of days, tops. As soon as we get approval from the state, we will officially be licensed foster parents! Wahoo!! Until then we pray, wait excitedly, and enjoy our time as a family of two. Will you commit to praying with us?!

Have you ever considered becoming a foster parent? The need is great! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!!

Help Wanted!

We are moving along in our process of becoming foster parents. After our CPR class this Saturday, the waiting game begins! One of the final things that we have been unable to check off our list is before and after school childcare. Our desire is to find a childcare provider that will love and invest in our children while we can't be with them, and is sensitive to the needs of foster children. It would be wonderful if this person lived in our neighborhood, as the elementary school is in the neighborhood too. We trust that our God is "able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20), so we are trusting Him to lead us to the right caregiver! 

Would you commit to praying about this need for us? Give us some ideas if you have them too! To give you some more specifics, here are the hours that we need help: For elementary age children placed in our care, this person would provide care from 7-9am before school...Tony and/or I are home every day by 3:30pm so we won't need after school care. For middle or high school age kids, we would need someone to provide care from 2:45-3:30pm. All foster children, even teenagers, have to be supervised at all times...they can earn unsupervised time after a month in care, so the care for teenagers could be temporary. 

Thank you for praying with us! I will post more updates as we have them :)

It's been a while...

Well, it has been a while. Between buying a house, remodeling it, switching jobs, and living life I chose not to make blog writing a priority lately. I have missed it though, and I want to pick it back up :) For now, I want to use it as a platform to update our friends and family about the big changes happening in our family...and throw some homemaking posts in there as much as I can too! Here's a recap of the last few months:

We bought a house! 

Tony and I purchased my grandmother's home, the house my dad grew up in. We were planning to rough it in apartment living for quite a few years while we paid off debt, before buying a house or starting a family. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...sometimes God changes them! Everything fell into place for us to buy my grandmother's house, and it has become the perfect little home for us! We have remodeled it to make it our own, and are loving home ownership. I will post some before/after pictures in a future post :)

We both got new jobs!

Tony and I both transitioned into new jobs in August. Tony stayed with his company but moved into a position at the alternative school his company runs - he now does counseling with students only at the school during the school day. I got a new position with Concord Counseling Services providing school social work services at a Groveport middle school. We both really enjoy these new positions, but even more love the schedules! We are home between 3-4pm every day.

God called us!

Throughout the process of getting a new house and new jobs, God began to call us on to a new path...the path to foster care. We are so excited! Some of you have already heard that we are in the process of becoming foster parents, but for those of you who haven't...we are becoming foster parents! We took all of our classes in September, have been working on paperwork and completing our home study process in October, and should be licensed in November! We have our final home study this Sunday, November 2nd, then a CPR class next Saturday, November 8th. Then the waiting game for a placement will begin! We are getting licensed for up to two children between the ages of 6-18, hopefully a sibling pair. Because our age range is so wide we have no idea what to expect, but we are ready for whatever God gives us...we are very excited (and nervous) about this next chapter in our lives! 

New House + New jobs + God's calling = A new adventure!

PLEASE feel free to ask us questions about foster care! We are learning more and more every day, but we will try to answer any questions you have. And, we will post updates about placements as we have them!

Talk to each other!

Tony and I are in no way marriage experts...c'mon, we've only been married for 8 months! But, we do believe that there are some things we do well. One of those things is communication. Whether from our backgrounds in counseling or just the way we are each wired, we communicate well with each other. Not perfectly, but well. One of our favorite times to "check in" with each other is on Saturday mornings while we are still laying in bed, that one hour window after the dog has been fed but before we have to take her out for her morning walk. Last week during this time, we pinpointed 7 things that we enjoy doing on a daily basis to keep the lines of communication open.

1. Give each other undivided attention. Find time each day to give each other undivided attention, even if just for a few minutes. This time should be free of TV, doing chores, eating, nosy dog trying to sit in between you...you get the idea! For us this often takes place on the couch after all the dinner dishes have been cleared away and loaded into the dishwasher. For other couples this might happen more easily in the morning before work. Use this time to share about your day with your spouse, even the small, silly details like the person you saw picking their nose in the car next to you today, or the friend you reconnected with on Facebook.

2. No TV in the bedroom. Our pastor first suggested this to us in our premarital counseling, saying "a TV in the bedroom is the quickest way to kill intimacy." And we didn't listen. We had a TV in our bedroom for the first 6 months of our marriage and we thought it was great. We could lay in bed a cuddle while watching a movie! But what we also found was that we spent more mindless time together right before bed than we did investing in our relationship. We got rid of the TV in our bedroom about 2 months ago and haven't looked back since! We now spend our last moments before sleep engaged in intimate conversation, rather than mindlessly staring at the TV.

3. Eat dinner at the table. We eat dinner at the table together 99% of the time. I can't speak for Tony, but this is really how I start winding down for the night. I come home most evenings and head straight to the kitchen to make dinner. I enjoy cooking, but eating dinner across from my hubby is when I truly begin to relax. We talk about our days, share interesting stories from work, and give updates about family and friends. This time doesn't often fit the bill for undivided attention though, because we're also worried about stuffing our faces! Hence our undivided attention time, mentioned above, often occurs after dinner :)

4. Be interested. This is sometimes a tough one, and Tony is much better at it than I am. Really try to be interested in the things your spouse tells you. I'm not gunna lie, some of the financial stuff he tells me about is a little over my head. I try ask questions though because it's important to Tony, and if its important to Tony then I want to understand it. One thing Tony is great at is admitting when his mind has wandered while I'm talking. He will ask me to back up and repeat myself. He was worried at one point that this upset me, but actually it made me very happy! He valued what I was saying enough to ask me to repeat it, rather than pretend he had heard me.

5. Take advantage of quiet times. Most people believe that good communication is measured by the amount of time you spend talking. It is also important to learn how to enjoy the silent moments together though. Some of the silent moments we enjoy are car rides, walks with the dog, reading books side-by-side, and others. Our silent moments don't often last for too long though, because it is in the silence that we remember things we wanted to tell each other!

6. Communicate throughout the day. Whether through phone calls, texts, pictures sent, or notes left in one another's lunch boxes...don't wait until you get home after work to speak to each other. I know that not everyone has the flexibility that we do to talk anytime throughout the day, but most people have a lunch break or a spare 15 seconds to send a quick text or picture.

7. Pray together.  Tony and I pray together every day, before dinner and before bed. I often learn things about Tony through his prayers, such as the friends who are on his mind to pray for and the stressors and temptations he asks God for help with. One thing we also try to do is keep a written prayer list for each other. I share things that I would like Tony to pray specifically for me, and he does the same. This way we can better pray for each other when we are apart.

We are in no way perfect at all of the things I just listed! This is something we work hard at every day, but the work is well worth is. I hope that in 30 years we will have tripled this list, and then some. What are some tips that you can share with us about keeping the lines of communication open?

My first ever homemade pie

I decided about a month ago that I wanted to become a better cook. I have pretty decent skills in the kitchen and rarely make something horrifying, but I have room to improve. I have this goal of one day becoming an excellent personal chef for custom crafted dinner parties and small gatherings (which is another post entirely)...but I figured I can start by practicing new skills and recipes at home! What better place to start than my Betty Crocker Cookbook, which was lovingly gifted to me at a bridal shower before my wedding last June. My mother has a well-worn copy at home and I always viewed it as the "cooking Bible" for all basic and necessary skills. 

Anyway...lets get to the picture above. I made an apple pie! When searching for the first recipe I wanted to try from Betty Crocker, I decided on a made-from-scratch apple pie. I've never made a pie before, so this would be new and exciting. I never expected it would turn out so well on my first shot! Here is the recipe I used from Betty Crocker, and my steps:

Apple Pie

Crust:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon shortening
1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon softened butter
4-6 tablespoons cold water

Filling:
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash of salt
6 cups thinly sliced granny smith apples
2 teaspoons water
1 tablespoon sugar

Step-by-Step:

Measure flour and salt for crust into mixing bowl and stir with fork. Measure shortening and butter into the bowl and cut into dry ingredients. "Cut in" literally means cutting through the mixture with two knives until the mixture looks like pea-sized particles. You can also use a pastry blender for this, but I don't have one. The picture above on the right is just about at the right consistency.

Sprinkle water over the crust mixture, one tablespoon at a time, and toss with a fork. You want all the flour to be moistened to the point of sticking together and leaving the sides of the bowl, but not too much water so that the mixture is sticky or runny. I used all 6 tablespoons of water, but it depends on the humidity in your home and other factors. I forgot to take a picture of this step, but the dough should look like the picture above left once gathered into a ball and turned out on a floured surface. Divide into two flat rounds of equal size. My hand is in the right picture to give you a size reference. Wrap each round in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 45 minutes. 

While crust dough is in the refrigerator, prepare your apple pie filling. Cut and peel the apples. I used my apple slicer and paring knife for this, which worked perfectly. After removing the skin, I cut each slice into 2-3 smaller slices as the apple slicer doesn't cut them thin enough. I used 6 medium sized apples, which equaled exactly 6 cups for me. 

In a large bowl (and I mean large, I tried to use a medium bowl and had to pour everything into a bigger bowl once I realized the apples took up too much room) combine flour, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. Add the apples and stir with large spoon until well combined. Set mixture aside. 

Bring your crust dough out of the refrigerator. It's ready if it is cold and firm, but still pliable. Roll one of the dough balls out on a floured surface. I had to start over 3 times because either the edges became too thin, or it stuck to the counter. Don't fret, start over when you need to, adding flour to the surface as-needed to prevent sticking. Roll until there is about 1 inch of extra dough outside an inverted pie plate (picture on right). 

Place rolling pin on top of rolled dough and roll the dough onto it to transfer to pie plate. I forgot to take picture of this for the bottom crust, but I took one for the top crust (above left). Press dough into the pie plate, making sure the crust come sup the sides and still has a slight overhang. Fill the bottom crust with the apple mixture. It will seem to be overflowing, but this is ok. It cooks down while baking. 

Roll out the top crust just like you did the bottom crust. Make a few slits in the dough (as seen in the previous step's picture). Also as in the previous step, roll the crust onto the rolling pin to assist in transferring onto the pie plate. Top crust should overhang the pie plate by about 1 inch. Fold overhanging dough under the edge of the bottom crust and pinch together to seal. This creates a thick crust edge. Form a stand-up rim around the edge of the pie plate with this thick edge (above left). This aids in fluting (making a pattern) around the edge. I chose to do a Pinch Edge, which is demonstrated in the above right picture. 

Use a pastry brush to brush 2tsp water onto top crust and sprinkle with 1Tbs sugar. Of course I forgot a picture of this step but it's easy enough! You can see the shiny sugar crystals in the above picture. Cut aluminium foil into 3 inch strips and gently form around the edges of the pie crust. I never would have thought of this until Ms. Crocker pointed it out, but without it the edges of the crust will burn before the rest of the pie is finished baking. You should remove this foil with 15 minutes of bake time remaining. You can also use a pie crust sheild, but again I don't have one. 

Bake pie in a preheated 425 degree oven for 40-50 minutes, again removing the foil or pie shield with 15 minutes remaining. The crust will be golden brown and juices bubbling through the slits in the crust. The end result looks like this!

Let the pie cool on a wire rack for 2 hours. This will be so hard because you'll want to dig right in (well, at least my hubby and I did)! But letting it cool during this time allows the pie to finish setting up. It will still be warm after the 2 hours of cooling. 

After cooling, slice it up and enjoy! Look at all that apple layered goodness! We served ours up a la mode with Kroger's Fried Ice Cream - it has a creamy cinnamon flavor...delicious alongside the pie! 

I'm considering a cherry or chocolate cream pie next. What is your favorite pie flavor? How was your first pie-making experience? Let me know your thoughts!

A colorful life is a beautiful life...

I was struck today about how dreary and unending the winter months can feel - especially in the arctic tundra we have out there this week! It's during these winter months that I begin to appreciate the beauty of color in everyday things. Here are the four colorful things that made my day a little bit more beautiful:

1. Tony's grandmother made us this quilt for our wedding...and it is beautiful! This snapshot really doesn't do it justice. It is my favorite thing to curl up under in the morning while I read, or to snuggle with my hubby in the evening. I have never appreciated it more than now, when the only color to be seen outdoors is white.

2. There's nothing better to change your mood in the middle of a stressful work week than wearing a bright pink sweater. I don't know if there's some weird psychological affect of clothing color on a person's attitude and outlook (note to self to research later...), but it seems to work for me!

3. Our guest bathroom shower curtain always brings memories and a smile to my face. When I was younger I would often visit my great grandmother (affectionately called Nana by all) after school. My family moved her to my hometown when she became ill. This was her shower curtain, and she could see it from her bed during the day. She loved bright, springy colors and always thanked my mother for choosing such a beautiful curtain for her small apartment. I always found it cheerful too and wouldn't let my mom get rid of it when Nana passed away. When Tony and I got married, I snatched it and now enjoy it daily!

4. My mother always told me "the best dinner plates are colorful ones." I believe her. Sometimes I have to put in some effort to add color to the dinner plate, but not for this meal. Beef stir fry really is my go-to recipe and we have it at least once a week - I know, original - but it's so good! Cooking with good produce in the middle of winter makes me feel more cookout-y, and who doesn't love a cookout?! (I know that's not a real word, but this is my blog so I can make up words!) Tonight my produce consisted of green, red, and yellow bell peppers, purple onion, zucchini, and yellow squash. I'll get around to posting a recipe one of these days!

What colorful things make your life more beautiful? I'd love to hear from you!

First blog post EVER!

Hello! Welcome to my blog. My name is Emily, and if you don’t already know (shh…it’s a secret!): I’m new to the blog world. I’ve been craving a place to write about all the things I love – food, shopping, being married, entertaining, and good books – just to name a few. Who knows, maybe others will find my daily life adventures interesting! I hope this can become a community for those of us desiring to live life to the fullest, and learn a lot along the way.

I am married to my best friend, and the most wonderful person I know, Tony. He will probably make an appearance on here occasionally, just to warn you. We are Ohioans, born and raised, and we currently make our home in Columbus with our adorable black-and-white mutt, named Sadie. We are both child and family therapists…meaning we have the most put-together lives ever. WRONG! We are just as imperfect and in need of fine-tuning as anybody else.  

If you have a question for me, or just want to say hi, please leave me a comment – I’d love hearing from you!